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Mwah! [20 Oct 2004|06:12pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Hey everyone!! Okay, well I've been slow once again, and it's gonna get worse!!

So last Friday. I went to Cassie's house and got drunk offa my ass. Well we went to a party and Sonya ((Cassie's aunt)) came and picked us up to bring us back to Cassie's house. So we were chillin, and we heard about another party, and we wanted to go, but Sonya and Cassie's ma wuldn't let us go, so me and Jamie went to go and get Cassie's cousin Micheal. WELLLLL..Sonya smokes pot, and so she passed some to me. I was alredy high and drunk so I didn't really think anything of it. Once we got back to Cassie's house we started drinking with Sonya and her mommie. Well once it was time to go to sleep, Elizabeth WOULD NOT move over on the bed so I pushed her n told her to please scooch over..And she punched me!! So I kicked her and she feel off the bed and hit her head on the mirror.

Then on Saturday once I went home, I went to Chipolte around 4. Wellllll I saw Cassie Jamie and Elizabeth there. And Elizabeth stands up and was like "Your NOT coming to Homecoming with us anymore!" And I'm like "Ummm..ok? Why" and she was like "I can't believe that you smoked with Sonya!!" And I didn't talk to them about it nemore till I sat down, well once I sat down me and Cassie just started going at it. She was like "Why did you do that!" And I was like "What the hell, why does it fucking matter?!" And she was like "Because that's like my aunt!" And I was like "Ohh wait. So it's different for me to SMOKE with her than it is for you guys to DRINK with her right?" And that kinda shut them up, but I guess they were still mad at me. So once I left there and got home, I called Chase just BALLING my fucking eyes out, and he came and picked me up to take me to the dance **Mind you the dance didn't start untill 7:30 and it was around 5**. So we just chilled in his car for like 2 hours. It was kinda fun talking to him again, I miss the old times with him. I'm just really confused about him because once he was just looking at me soooo funny and I was like "Why do you keep looking at me like that" and we were holding hands and I had my leg over his, and he was like "Because" and smiled at me and grabbed my hand tighter and rubbed my leg....STRANGE?? Yes I agree!!! So at the dance, Elizabeth and them were all drunk, and Elizabeth was going around telling JUSTIN that she beat my ass and all this shit. And Justin was like "Smack her again Liz!" and she goes "No I'm not drunk enough yet but get some more in me and I will!" and I just looked at her and I was like "You will WHAT Elizabeth?" and she turned around and didn't look at me and I said "Yea thats right, thats why you just shut the fuck up and turned around." And Justin was just LAUGHIN his ass off. I dunno what her issue was that night, but it really made me mad!!! Because I still think that she likes him, and if she does I just WISH she would quit LYING to me about it!!

Sunday I didn't really do anything.

Monday!!!!! I had my FIRST day at work!!! YAY I GOT A JOB!! I was sooo happy, and I was working with Emily so that made me even happier!!!

Tuesday I had to work a 5 hour shift, that was pretty fun.

Today....Well once again I really think that Elizabeth likes Justin. I mean I was giving him a backmassage durning lunch, and I was wearing his jacket and we were talking, and I think that it made her mad because she got up and MOVED to the other end of the table and just LOOKED at us the whole time...It was really weird.

I still like Chase a lot....And i just dunno what his deal is lately, but oh well he's still mah buddy!!



Well I'm out, lemme some!

    <3333 Tschida * 

4 broke me.| Break it.

Blah, depressing shit rite here [14 Oct 2004|12:35am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Mk, so my day started off at school pretty good. Jamie was making me laugh so fucking hard in the link before school that I thought I was gonna die..I love that girl and I don't know what I woulda done without that good thing this morning!! Justin was my savior this morning and brought some lick to school, so I drank some before 1st hour cuz he wanted to kno how it tasted ((and other people who drank were standing there, but he chose me for some reason)) and it was pretty damn good. Well then durning 3rd hour things started getting iffy. Its health and I have it with Elizabeth and Kirsten. Well once again it seemed like Elizabeth was writting to Kirsten about me, which wouldn't be ANYTHING new. But then me and Kirsten started talking, and she told me how she might be moving in with her dad and shit, and I feel really bad for her because that is a HUGE decision for her, but she's not "trusted" at her home right now, and I don't know how she put up with it for this long. After school Brittney broke up with David!! YAYYY! BUT the only bad thing is that I think that their gonna end up going back out, because Brittney isn't strong enough to stay away from David for to long..4th hour I talked to Justin for a little bit, and same with my buddy Jack.

Well as soon as I get home, I see that Chase has called me...Which ugh I still donno how I feel about talking to him because of what he did, but for now I'm talking to him, since I really don't have anyone else that I can trust besides Marcus. So I was talking to him, and he was telling me how Mikey bought the car that he was gonna buy from Pete, and how pissed he was about that, and how Paul was backing him up. I felt bad for the guy because him and Paul have been best friends for god knows how long, and now he's picking someone who hes only talked to for about 2 years over him?? Poor guy. So we were talkin for awhile and I told him that I'd call him later because I was really tired.

After I napped Brittney called me and reminded me that we had to go to church, so we went and I had some great fun there surprisingly!!

Once I got home I went online. And here is where all the drama starts. I was talking to Elizabeth, and she told me that he "buddy boo" was online..And I said "Who? Anthony?" <~~ You kno, her BOYFRIEND..And she was like "No, Justin" And I was just like..."oh..." I mean COME ON why the FUCK does she have to rub it in my face how close they are when she KNOWS that it hurts me!!!?!?! I swear, she likes to rub shit in other peoples faces and I'm getting VERY sick of it because she does it to me everyday. Well then to make shit worse we kept talking about him, and she said "I thought that u knew.." and i was like "wait, knew what?" And she said "that Justin likes me" i almost had a fucking heart attack. no joke. that was at about 9ish and I've been balling my eyes out ever since. I hate this. She knows how much he means to me, and she told me that she doesn't like him, but how the fuck am I supposed to believe that when there was shit going around about HER kissing HIM back when me and him went out?? HUMMMM NOW! She has 3 other people that she has feelings for right now NOT INCLUDING her fucking boyfriend. Does she really need to flirt with MY ex right infront of me??? And of course I can't bring this up to her because she'll think that I'm being a drama queen and over reacting. Maybe I am. But if you have ever liked someone beond words without loving them, and then losing you virginity to them, you MIGHT understand what it feels like right now.

Well Chase called me back, and he made me feel better. We were talking and he was calling me a slut and a bitch ((I WANTED TO SHOOT HIM)) and I was like "If I'm such a slut and a bitch then why do you still talk to me" and he goes "Amanda, you know I'm just playin with ya" and actually I didn't know that...It took a lot for him to say that. And I guess someone was trying to find out my number, and he wuldn't give it to them without knowing who wanted it and why..And just an FYI for ya'll out there, Chase always gives out numbers, no questions asked...So it was like he was trying to protect me or something? Then I had to get off the phone and "go to sleep" YEA RIGHT. So I asked him if he was gonna call me back.. And he said that he would "talk to me in school tomorrow" which is weird since he NEVER talks to me in school. But whatever.

Well I should try and get some sleep since I have a huge ass lifeguarding test tomorrow IN the fucking pool, where I have to play a DROWNDING victum and if I don't get to sleep now, I might actually drownd!! Wish me luck people!

Oh yea and Margo, if you want ur damn sweat pants which I DID NOT STEAL you can come and get them because I have no time to come and give them to you. So deal with it otherwise have fun getting them back. Not to be a bitch or anything but you need to CALM THE FUCK down with ur attitude!!!

    <333 MwAh*** Amanda Marie <3

1 broke me.| Break it.

Been slackin on this again!!! [12 Oct 2004|07:40pm]
[ mood | awake ]

Okay, so I haven't written in probally FOREVER!! But I have a really good reason...I've been VERY sick all last week, so sick that I couldn't even go to school. Then finally on Thursday I went to the ER. So pwease be nice!

Well a lotta shit has happened since I've last written. I haven't talked to Thomas for like 2 weeks almost...Kinda sucks but oh well. And I'm NOT talking to Chase anymore, he's said a lotta shit behind my back, and I found out about it, and I'm sick of him saying that IM the one talkin shit WHEN HE IS!! So I'm done with that one. Justin and Erik came over yesterday, that was pretty fun, except Justin kept saying that I was trying to fuck him ((GOD DAMN POTHEAD)) when I didn't so...Oh well he can keep saying that and try to bost his ego for all I care!! Cuz really, if I wulda tried...I COULDA!

Margo really has made me mad. I'm sick of people bitching at me, and LYING because Lauren NEVER invited me, but whatever I'm not even gonna worry about it because I've got to much other drama to deal with.

Elizabeth and Kirsten...Don't get me wrong I love the girls, but their making me so mad lately!! 1st of Elizabeht can sit there and talk all this head about Justin, and then turn around and be all nice to him and give him a hug and shit, when she ever SAYS that she hates him?? Oh well I guess...it's just I'm soooooo sick of FAKE PEOPLE!! And Kirsten, she isn't really bugging me, I love the grl to death, but when her and Elizabeth sit there and pass notes RIGHT infront of me it really pisses me off ((FYI Elizabeth I guess has been mad at me for a while because we got into like 2 fights last week WHILE I was shick mind you)). But oh well, their still my bestest friends!!

Jamie and Cassie!! God I love them so much lately. Whenever things get hard I know that I can go to BOTH of them..!! I mean, their not the type of people that you would think I'd hang out with. They don't smoke and they hardly drink, but lately they've been drinking a lot with me, and their just sooo sweet!! I guess you would really have to know them in order to understand how much they mean to me right now. They never really get mad at anyone ((Except Brittney, but we're all kinda mad at her right now)).

Brittney...That grl REALLY needs to break up with her boyfriend David!! He cheats on her like EVERYDAY and the sad part is...SHE KNOWS ABOUT IT!! And we've all said that if she doesn't pick either us or him, we're not talking to her anymore. Well everyone else but me, Jamie and Cassie are sticking to that one. We feel bad because everyone is mad at her, so we talk to her because she needs someone, cuz I know I'd feel bad if all of my friends just left me!!

Mk, well that's all for now!! Sorry that I've been so damn sick lately!!!



    U kno U love Me!!! <333 Tschida **

Break it.

[03 Oct 2004|09:29pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Hey everyone.

Friday we were supposed to go to Anthony's house, but they couldn't come and pick us up, so we didn't. So we got drunk and high for nothing. Arg. Oh well tho, Chase and Paul stopped over for like 10 minutes. I swear, what is it with that boy these days? He needs to figure out what he wants, because its really starting to piss me off how hes talking to me one week, and then not talking to me for like 3 days, and then calls me again? I don't get it!!!

Ok, so yesterday we got picked up by Pete at like 2:30 to go over to Anthony's ((This is me and Elizabeth btw)). And so we started drinking and smoking pot in the car...Elizabeth didn't smoke cuz she doesn't smoke, but me and Pete did. Well once we got to Anthony's house, Thomas wasn't there...Because he had to go home and get some money or something? Well then he FINALLY came over, and we just madeout and shit..it was kinda nice to see him again, cuz he's really nice.

Well then when we were on our way home, Chase calls me. Random. I swear whenever I think that I'm done with that boy, he calls or something. Well he wanted to know if I wanted to come over, and really I kinda didn't want to because I already had plans to sleep at Alicia's house. So I told him that I couldn't and that I would call him when I get home. No joke, 2 minutes after I get off the phone with him, Justin calls. I think last night was attack of the ex night or something. Well anyways, he wanted to know what I was doing, and if I wanted to go over to Eric's house, so I told him that I'd see if Alicia wanted to..And it turned out that we couldn't. So I'm doing something with him tomorrow. I'm excited. I miss him. And it's the same for him, every time that I think I'm done with him, he calls.

Well yea, that was pretty much my weekend. I got drunk and high every day except today. It was fun stuff.

Break it.

[02 Oct 2004|02:02pm]

Okay, well its been a LONG time since I've written and so many things have happened.


I don't really talk to Chase much nemore, hes to mean to me sometimes, and I hate it when people are mean to me, and I like someone new who I've been chillin with a lot lately. His name is Thomas.


Sorry I have to get off the computer, but I'll write more when I get home tonight, just thought that I should update everyone A LITTLE BIT!

2 broke me.| Break it.

[25 Sep 2004|02:29pm]
[ mood | loved ]

Wow, what a Friday night!!

1st it starts off that HIGHLAND beat CENTRAL in football!! WOOP WOOP! 44 to 14! What now BITCHES!? Sorry, school rival, gotta be kinda happy! 2nd year in a row that we've kicked their ass! Well anyways while I was at the football game, Justin was there. Gag, I'm so mad at him right now. Cause shit is going around that he fucked one of my old best friends while me and him were together. And I'm just SICK of being lied to. So whatever. But ANYWAYS, Chase called my cell phone, and so I was talking to him for a little bit, and Justin yells "Who is it?" and I said "It's Chase" and like so many people up there I guess don't like him, so they were all talkin head and it was pissing both me and Chase off beause neither of the groups will do shit. But, Chad took my phone from me and was talkin all this head to Chase and shit, and then hung up on him and like stole my phone for 20 minutes, and so when I finally got it back, Chase called back and I was like "Yea sorry about Chad and shit" and he was like "Who up theres got beef" And I was like "Chase it doesn't matter, just drop it" And he was like "Nah man who up theres got beef" And then my phone got disconnected and Chad stole my phone again. So I called him back, and was like "Once again sorry about that" and we were talking for a little bit, and then my phone kept beeping at me and telling me that I had a low battery, so I said "But Chase I gotta go because my phone is about to die" and he was like "Yea, whatever." And hung up on me. SOOOO whatever, if he wants to be like that oh well, I've got others. **Brush it off ya sholders :-P**

So after the game me, Elizabeth, Jamie and Cassie went over to Elizabeth's boyfriends house ((Anthony)). And we got high as FUCK! Omg it was so much fun!! There was Thomas, Pat, Joe, And Kelly **A boy** there. It was awesome. I was cuddling and shit with Thomas, who was really funny and nice. And while we were smoking he gave me a shot gun ((For those who don't know what that is, you put your lips up to someone else's and blow in)), and then gave me a little kiss. It was so cute!!!!!! Wow, I can't wait till I can chill with them again!

Today is my grandpa's 70th bday party, and I have a huge ass health project to do today and tomorrow, and I'm not looking foward to doing that, because my group like gave all the work to me. So whatever.

More later tonight maybe!

   <333 always,

2 broke me.| Break it.

YAY!! [21 Sep 2004|02:43pm]
[ mood | flirty ]

Okay, well Chase stoped over last night for like 10 minutes...Made me soo fucking happy to see him, no joke! So he called me at like 9:40 and was like "Ey, do you think that u can come out for like 5 minutes?" and i was like.."umm i guess" so he came over to show me his subs and the window that he himself replaced ((good job chase!)) and yea. it was pretty intresting. so we were flirting and shit, and i told him that i was gonna hop in his car and take it, and he like punched me in my back and i like stop and he goes "wats wrong" and i was like "um u punched me in my back very hard" and i like sat down because i culdnt move, and he like RAN to the side of me like he was gonna catch me or something and he was like "wait, i thought that i hit ur ass?" and i was like "um no that wuld be my back" and he was like "show me where i punched you" and i showed him and he like rubbed it. it was cute. then after a little bit he said that he had to go, so we hugged, and i asked him if he was gonna write me back and he said "i dunno i have homework, i was going to but then i had to go to work"...

Well he didn't write me back today. He didn't have "time" durning school, which I guess I can understand cuz for that boy to write a note he actually has to THINK about what hes writting and he has English and then some law class. So I guess I understand, but I still want a note back :(. Anyways, he sent me a text today asking me if i was gonna still make him his cd, and i told him that i wuld if he just gave me a list of songs, and he said that i culd put whatever i wanted on it as long as american woman was on there ((hahahahaha dont ask)). so yea. then when i was in 4th hour he sent me another one asking if my parents were gonna be home tonite...yes that was kinda random. so i guess hes at the doctor rite now, and then he might come over here? i have no idea whats going on!!

I get my hair done at 5!! YAY! i'm excited! i really wanna die it, but i dunno if my moms gonna let me, sshe didnt answer me when i asked her this morning!! so wish me luck!

More later if anything intresting happens :-)!


<333 Tschida *

1 broke me.| Break it.

[20 Sep 2004|03:10pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

Hola! ok, wow what a weekend!!

Friday i went to a football game with Licia and saw Enrique...Hott ass mother fucker!!

Saturday slept over at Jamies house and her parents weren't home. OMG that was probally the best night I have ever had without being drunk or high! We went to Subway, Me, Cassie, Jamie and Elizabeth and we brought Cassie's little brother Dominque who we all call "Papa". Well while we were in Subway Papa was being a little shit and kept being loud and annoying, and then he goes "Cassie, gotta go potty" so Cassie takes him to the bathroom, and the WHOLE time hes going "Pee on top, pee on top!!" and Jamie, Elizabeth and me were like...What the hell, cause at first we could NOT understand what he was saying, and then we hear Cassie yell "PULL UR PANTS UP!!". Omg I don't think that I've ever laughed that hard in my life. Then after Subway, we went into the hott tub and shit and then Anthony ((Elizabeth's boyfriend)) called her cell phone and wanted to kno if him and 3 other guys ((Pat, Thomas, and Pete)) could come over and chill. So then they all came over, and we chilled and watched Signs. And it turns out that Pete and Chase are in the same auto tech class...It was kinda cool since Pete and them go to Johnson.

Sunday omg. We woke up at Jamies house, and then went over to Anthonys house, and got really high and drunk. I don't remember to much of Sunday because I was drunk, high, or sleeping. I remember talking to Chase for like a long ass time tho. He told me to write him a note, which is kinda weird because he doesn't really like notes all that much, so I feel special!! I miss him soo much, I hate it!

Well today wasn't all that fun. I hate school, its so fucking boring. I found out that Elizabeth springed her pinky last night at pratice because she was high//drunk HAHAHA SORRY HUNNY! Poor girl feel outta a really hard cheerleading stunt *Libarty*. My poor baby!! Well Chase I hope read my note today, and I really hope that he writes back because if he doesn't then I'm gonna say fuck it because I asked him to tell me how he felt about me, and really thats something that I need to know if I plan on still loving him.

More later tonight maybe!

    <33 Tschida *

Break it.

[18 Sep 2004|04:36pm]

Well last night there was supposed to be a huge ass kegger, but it got moved cuz the boy's parents found out about it and called the cops, so it moved out to wisconson!! EK! i went to a football game with alicia last night, that was fun cuz i got to see my buddy enrique! ((soooo fine btw)). and then i went back to alicia's house and just chilled...

i guess kirsten got caught drinking with cassie, jamie and elizabeth last night...ek! im sry kirsten!

eh, today, this time, last year, chase asked me out. UGH. i dont wanna remember that. hes calling me when he gets back frm his gmas today, and funny thing is...im gonna be at Jamie's house probally which is THREE blocks away from his house...YES! and jamie has the house to herself, so all the much better! tonite is gonna be a fun nite...PLUS LICK! woop woop!

my cousin erik is here, i love this little boy!! even tho hes not little...I STILL LOVE HIM!

well more later!!

    <333 * Tschida *

Break it.

[17 Sep 2004|02:25pm]

Ok, well Justin came over last night. And he swore to me that he didn't fuck Laura and that she was nasty...But I dunno if I believe him, but then again I don't know if I believe Laura because she lies to much to people. but OH WELL that doesn't matter. He likes me again I guess, and I'll always like him. It was kinda sad tho, Chase called me while I was with him, so now I think that Chase is mad at me.

Today at school Elizabeth was making me very sad. She was in such a bad mood, she had me cryin during second hour...

I'm going to a dance tonight and I'm EXCITED for that!! There's a huge ass kegger tho that a bunch of my friends are going to, but they didn't have enough room in the car for me ((sad I know)) and I already had plans with Alicia to go to the dance..And I don't wanna break them because I'd feel bad ditching her to go to a party...I'm not THAT much of a alocholic!! LoL.

Today at lunch we went up to Angela and asked her if she gave Dorney head, she says that she didn't but we don't know if we believe her because she has lied to ALL of us sooo many times before ((Especially about fucking HIS twin brother Darren the same night))...So none of us really know what to believe. I love Angela, don't get me wrong, but her and Darren never even really talked before she fucked him, and that's who she lost her virginity to ((I think...)) and that's just sad.

Well maybe more later, rite now I'm really tired and stressed out!!


<3333 Tschida *

3 broke me.| Break it.

ew. [15 Sep 2004|06:27pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

Well I just found out something VERY gross about Justin. Him and Laura fucked yesterday WITHOUT a condom. I'm sorry but I have just lose almost all respect for Laura and Justin because come on Justin! He knows that he cums instantly almost, and Laura has been missing her B.C. pills for the past 2 days..And I really hope that shes not pregant that's all I gotta say. And ugh, it just hurts me that she called me to like rub it in my face. Ugh whatever I guess...


<333 Tschida*

3 broke me.| Break it.

Bad mood. [15 Sep 2004|01:01pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Well my computer was taken away from me for a long ass time because my room wasn't clean, so to everyone out there I'M SORRY!!

I quit my swim team yesterday...So I'm fucking depressed. So once again I turn to smoking cigs to calm down but their not really helping. It's not that I care about quitting my swim team, I do but my coach just let me go like I was nothing to her...And THAT is what really pisses me off. I put sooo much shit on the line for her, and she just lets me go like that...Whatever FUCK her thats all I gotta say. She won't even let me go to any of the meets because it would "make my team mad" to see me in the stands when I could be in the water...Well if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have such a fucked up sholder and a spirit, so whatever.

Me and Chase are doing good, we talk a lot lately, but he called me ugly and fat..Hahaha. What a dumbdumb. I really miss Justin...Me and his song came on today while I was in the bathroom, and I started balling. I couldn't take it...Oh well tho, he lost me, and that's okay with him, so I guess its okay with me.

Well maybe more tonite...If not more tomorrow.


<333 Tschida *

1 broke me.| Break it.

Weekend... [06 Sep 2004|07:39pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

Welll lets see wat i did on my LAST weekend of the summer!!

Friday - -Went to a dance with Licia and then slept over at her house

Saturday - - Chilled at home for a little bit and read, and then went back to Licia's house.

Sunday - - Went to highland villiage with Licia, Brittney, David, Pat, and Charlie. That was fun...We smoked a whole lot...And then splet over at Licia's house, and got my nails done.

Monday - - Hung out with Brittney down in the villiage again, saw Justin, David and Sam...Chilled with them for a little bit...And it kinda felt weird to be with Justin again cuz he was grabbing on me and shit...And I dunno :-/..got pantsed THREE times...Damn them...Then David and Pat picked up me and Brittney and we went to buff and shine ((where Chase and Paul work)) and got the car washed and shit..And talked to Chase and Paul for a little bit..

Ummm yea like I said...Me and Chase talked...He called me a little bit ago too, and he said that he'd call me back cuz his mom needed the phone or something...Its really kinda weird talking to him again since I'm still kinda mad at him for the whole Emily thing...And I asked him if he was planning on gettin back with Emily and he said that he wasn't...But like I believe that...

Well I start school tomorrow, diffently NOT fun! Justin isn't going to our school nemore, kinda makes me sad since that boy makes me laugh...But he's coming the visit on Wednesday I guess. So that'll be fun to see him at school...I still like him a lot...And same with Chase...I guess that I'll always be in love with Chase and I'll always like Justin since he took my virginity...But w/e nuttin special..

Jamie smoked weed, I'm kinda mad at her because they always look down on me for smoking it, even tho I smoke it more than them...But like no one is mad at her and shit, but yet whenever I smoke people get mad at me...TOTALLY DONT UNDERSTAND THAT!! But w/e floats people's boats!



<3333 *Tschida*

3 broke me.| Break it.

[04 Sep 2004|03:36pm]

hey everyone...well ashley told me that she saw emily and chase together at target today...wow their stupid. but oh well...ummm i went to my friend alisia's school dance last night, and let me tell you, that was sooo much fun, only i was in a very tight skirt so i didnt wanna dance all that much. but theres one in 2 weeks, and im going to that too...i meet some guys there who were really funny and nice...

well i guess i dont have that much to say right now, we did good at our swim meet me and this girl shannon went out durning the diving competition part, and smoked 2 bowls and 2 cigs, and so that was pretty interesting to swim...but it was still fun...i slept over at my friend kellys house thursday night...i love my kelly.

i was supposed to go to the state fair with marcus today, but he never called me, so w/e i guess. but im going with BRITTNEY tomorrow ((yay)) cause she FINALLY gets ungrounded!! yay yay yay!!! i miss my Brittney, i haven't been able to see her for like a month since she's been grounded, WAIT no i saw her one day when i meet her at a park...hahaha.

I MISS MY SISTER. so much.

<333 Tschida*

1 broke me.| Break it.

Bad mood. [01 Sep 2004|09:45pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

well emily and chase are together right now. god damn i REALLY dont understand that boy, and really im about ready to give up...because he tells people that he wants me, but then hes ALWAYS with emily, and he says how much he doesnt like her and shit, WHATEVER CHASE JUST FUCKING GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HER...i dont care anymore...just get back together u fucking spend all ur god time time with her, so FUCK IT. im sick of this bullshit, im sick of waiting around. i hate him soo much rite now, and no one understands.

i went to go and see the trainer for my arm, and pretty much its fucked for the rest of the season. oh well i dont fucking care, i hope that it falls off. well anyways, the trainer saw my wrist (*i cut again last night...*) and he was like "wats that" and i was like "ohhh nothing: and he was like "are you sure that its nothing" and i was like "umm yea.." and one of the worst parts is that the captin of my swim team saw it, so if she tells my coach and my coach tells my mom then im off the chicago...YAY!! i really hate being here with people who i dont like...its bugging me so much to keep gettin hurt by people who dont like me.

                   **even now it still seems like a dream**

I hate life rite now. For some reason i was in a great mood, until I called Chase and Emily answered the phone. That bitch pisses me off so much rite now, cuz she says that she was gonna call me, and she never did, and she was telling me how much she didn't wanna be with Chase and how sick of him she was, and wat does she go and do?? BE WITH HIM. sry but when people say that they DONT WANNA BE IWHT SOMEONE that kinda means to me that they dont wanna see them...but once again THAT MIGHT JUST BE ME!

Lyssa is kinda making me mad. she is sad because Matts sad, and w/e! she desurves much more than him, and she knows that, but for some reason she just keeps trying even tho he has a girlfriend. And she wouldn't believe me and Margo when we told her that she was being cheated on, and now he did it to his now girlfriend (*well didnt really CHEAT*) but he was all huggin on Lyssa and shit..and w/e...boys suck, thats the bottom line for today.

well w/e more later if shit happens, but if not ill try to write tomorrow. OHHHH speaking of tmrw its our 1st swim meet, and we get our sweatshirts, pants, hats, and shirts!! OMG im sooo fucking excited!! for those of you who get to see me, its gonna be PIMPED out shittttttttttt!!!!

Its times like this
I wish I were the
Tin Man
U culd hurt me all u wanted
I'd never even kno
I'd give nethin
Just to be the
Tin Man
Then I wuldnt have a heart
& I wuldnt need a soul

   ^^thats how i feel rite now.


<3333 Manda

3 broke me.| Break it.

Thats all I need to Know... [31 Aug 2004|09:56pm]
[ mood | busy ]

lol, im gonna start writting more, i SWEAR!!

me and chase are really good friends again...huim and emily broke up but he is still on her nuts pretty much cuz he says how much he hates her and shit, and then he goes and talks to her and shit...i just dont understand that boy...but we madeout while him and her were together, so w/e i dont really give a fuck abpout that nemore. me and emily are friends again i guess...so i shuld be nice, but i rly want him back, but i kno that me and him arent gonna go out for a long time / / if ever again.

me and justin talk again...kinda glad about that...he says that he still cares about me and shit, and that was  rly sweet of him...

i almost quit swimming today. this will be my 10th year swimming, and rly im getting SOOO sick of it, and i really wanted to quit and do diving, but my swim coach wouldnt let me, BITCH. but oh well i guess, im doing really good in it, so i guess that ill end up staying in it for a little longer...but i just dont know how much more of my swim coach i can take.

my friend elizabeth is going down the anerixic road again, and shes really starting to scare me...i feel bad because she knows that im here for her no matter wat, and im cryin rite now thinkin about it because i love her so much, she is like a sister to me and i dont know what i would do without her sometimes....and i was belimic this year / / last summer, so i rly know what shes going through, and she was already in treatment for this shit, and now she has to go back ((hopefully)) because she keeps losing weight and she keeps not eating, and its just scaring the living hell outta me.

well chase and paul might be coming over tmrw to come into my HOTT TUB!!! so ill let ya kno how that one goes!!


<333 Manda Boo

3 broke me.| Break it.

It's been awhile... [15 Aug 2004|09:02pm]

Wow, its been a long time since I've last written. And to the communities that I belong to I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be able to put hardly anytime into things, besides voting, because I have no time anymore. I have been going through many family issues, and also personal ones. I just don't think right now is the right time for me to think about anything but myself...My last swim season is coming up, and that might not mean anything to anyone who is reading this, but swimming is my life, and they are tearing my team about because we are combinded with a private school, and they don't want SPA in with us anymore...So therefore we will be left without 1/2 of our wonderful swimmers, and no coach, so therefore the team will SUCK, so this will be my last year swimming, so I have to give swimming and school my all now.

Wow, me and Chase talk again. And I guess we never stopped liking each other. I'll start from the beginning. Friday - Sunday was Highland Fest, which is like a little get-together. And Chase and Emily were there, and I was high and drunk, so I wasn't really paying any attention to them, but mine and Chase's friend Kevin always loved the fact that we were together, and if we weren't talking he would make us talk, so he came up to me and said "Why don't you go and say hi to your boyfriend'' and I was drunk so I had NO idea what he was talking about so I said "What boyfriend I don't have a boyfriend" and he was like "Well then go say hi to your husband." And I said "NO! I'm not going to say hi to Chase because he hates me." So somehow Kevin got me and Chase to talk to each other, and so we hung out at a park on Saturday with a buncha people including his girlfriend, Emily. Well Chase was flirting with me the whole time, we were throwing tennis balls at each other, and he kept tackling me and we just got to talking. And then he called me last night, and was talking to Alicia and saying that he still liked me and shit, and that he was about ready to break up with Emily for me because things aren't going to good with them as it is ((From what it sounds like, things never were good)) But he didn't know if I wanted to go back out with him. And at that time I said I didn't know because after all I still like Justin a lot, and I guess he still likes me according to Dorney...But me n Chase chilled again today, and I was huggin him and shit, because he wrote me a text last night saying that he loved me, and that if I still had feelings for him, that I should show them today, so I did. And I dunno what to do. Shit is really weird right now with me and him, because we both still like each other.

Well I think that I'm gonna go off to bed sometime soon because I have to wake up tomorrow at 8 and go swimming from 9-2. NOT FUN!!


<3333 Tschida

3 broke me.| Break it.

*Boys suck* [05 Aug 2004|11:56pm]

Well last night, Justin came over again. But I found out that he has a girlfriend, so I'm kinda ify about wanting him back because we did shit, and he cheated on his girlfriend yet again, and I can't have that happen to me again. So even though I still like him a lot and shit, I've givin up on wanting to go back out with him because I don't want to put myself through that again when I don't have to. So I'm glad with my decission, and we both decided that we wanted to stay friends anyways because he didn't want to hurt me anymore, but he said that he really does still like me a lot.

Whatever, boys will be boys, and right now, I'm very mad with a lotta boys!

Well once again I'm leaving tomorrow for a family renioun with my friend Brittney. My friend Alicia called me today, I miss her sooo much!! She's been at camp and shit, and she goes out with our friend Sam, and he's an awesome guy. My other friend Laura is back in jail, so I kinda feel bad for her since she just got out of treatment, she's really fucking up her life, and I really want to talk to her about it, because so many people don't like her because of the shit that she does to people that she think that she can get away with, but I don't know, she's just being herself, and I feel bad for her.

More later maybe, since I was planning on going to sleep like 2 hours ago!!


<333 Amanda

10 broke me.| Break it.

great day [03 Aug 2004|09:11pm]

hey everyone! well im back from blaine, and it was sooo much fun!! i was with my girls courtney, kristen, erica and ashley, and courtneys brother dan. it was courtneys birthday so she took us to her dads house from sunday-today. sunday we just chilled in the hott tub and watched movies and shit, and then monday we went to the mall, and meet some hott guys, then went back to courtneys and watched some more movies. dan had some chick come over, and we could hear them fucking, it made courtney kinda mad because its her brother, and it kinda hurt ashley because she has a crush on dan. so overall it was a pretty good start of the week.

well i was talking to justin online tonight, and i asked him if he still liked me, and he said that he did. so that really made me happy because i like him still sooo much. then we were just talking and he went onto an away message, and so i called him. he asked if he could come over and get his ID and i told him he could..i was sooo happy!! i was even happier to see him. well i was piercing my ear, and he came up into my room, so i had to go and look for his ID. when i gave it back to him, he went over and sat on the computer chair, and he was just messing around, so i went back and tried to pierce my ear again. and he called me over and asked what i was coloring, so i showed him the sign that i was making which says "cant drink away his memory" and he asked if it was about him. and i said "maybe maybe not" and he got up and i gave him a hug and we started kissing, and i said "i miss you.." and he said "i rly miss you too" and leaned in and grabbed me harder and gave me another kiss. DAH!! i miss him sooo much, and i hate it!! but im glad that i saw him, because now im happier!!

And i might get to see him tomorrow...hopefully.

so yea, im kinda happy right now! but ill write more later!!

<333 Manda

6 broke me.| Break it.

[31 Jul 2004|10:10pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Hey guys! I'm leaving tomorrow for a trip to go to Blaine with my friends for her birthday...Um, I will either be back on Monday or Tuesday, I'm not sure which one yet! So just thought that everyone should know!

2 broke me.| Break it.

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